Handling workplace conflict is an essential part of our work lives. From disagreements with co-workers to misunderstandings with supervisors, our professional lives can be challenging. In order to manage, we often (mostly) unconsciously adopt behaviors that help maintain peace with others and personal well-being. These behaviors help us adapt to a particular work culture or way of doing business. What starts as an adaptive, effective approach to managing tension can sometimes transform into an unhealthy pattern—especially if it’s overused. Being conscious about when healthy adaptive strategies turn maladaptive is key for both professional success and personal growth.
One common adaptive strategy we use embodies the spirit of “going along to get along.” This might mean staying silent during conflicts, agreeing with others to avoid escalating a situation, or taking on extra tasks to please co-workers and managers. In many cases, this approach is a sign of emotional intelligence: by remaining agreeable and flexible, we keep the peace, helping to create a more positive environment for ourselves, our co-workers—and even our customers.
This “go along to get along” strategy can turn maladaptive when it becomes a default response to every form of conflict. Constantly avoiding disagreements, responding to unrealistic demands or taking on extra work without speaking up can lead to resentment, burnout, and even a loss of self-respect. Habitually prioritizing others’ needs over our own can lead to diminished motivation, lower performance, and eventually, and often a desire to leave an organization altogether.
Being celebrated as a team player is generally positive, but co-workers, supervisors and leaders might begin to rely too heavily on us when we are perceived as such. When I’m facilitating a session with high performers, they almost always raise their hands when I ask if they’ve ever been “punished” for their reliability. They describe people asking them to cover inconvenient shifts, take on more responsibility, accept criticism without pushing back, ostensibly becoming a “go-to” person for all the least desirable tasks. In these situations, there is nothing disloyal, unkind or weak by pushing back—and saying “no” from time to time.
In fact, it’s essential to balance accommodation with assertiveness. Setting boundaries, practicing clear communication, and recognizing when to address personal needs are crucial components of this balance. Next month we will explore ways to do this in more detail. Maintaining healthy adaptive strategies is a win-win; it increases individual fulfillment, commitment and dedication and organizational retention, productivity and wellness. To hear more about this, join us at the next Rockin’ Your Supervisor Role.
Guest Blog by John Mancuso
